Added: Marlene Corlett - Date: 10.03.2022 21:53 - Views: 42802 - Clicks: 6306
For some of us, good things have happened this past year. But for others, so much has been lost — in work, in social capital, and in life. Many of us are also feeling regret. Where your work meets your life. Do we still need to talk about the many ways this pandemic has impacted our lives? I managed to make one trip to a remote cabin in the hills.
Staying put in the house for the entire duration. Why is it so difficult to move on? The circumstances brought on by this pandemic were beyond our control and no one could have predicted it would go on this long.
For some of us, good things have happened, like being able to spend more time with loved ones or get back into hobbies. So, how long can we keep doing this … dealing with the aftermath of our traumas and the lingering memories of a horrific year that plague any sense of optimism? I reached out to Dr. Amy Silveran expert in emotion management for high performance and author of The Loudest Guestto understand how we can get better at dealing with regret, even though we might never totally get over our losses.
Here are the edited excerpts of my chat with her. A new study reveals that regret is also connected to our self-concept, or the difference between our ideal self and actual self. The fact that you had nothing to do with those decisions is what is causing a greater asymmetry.
Regret, like all difficult emotions is neither intrinsically good nor bad. Oppression of negative emotions does no one any good. What can you control here? How much effort you put in and how hard you work. Regret feels like this anchor holding us back in the past. How do we leave the past where it happened? How do we process painful emotions and learn from those feelings?
Moving on is about progressing, about not being captive to our past, and allowing the past to guide our actions in the future. There are things that we can do to help us move through these feelings. When you catch yourself fruitlessly ruminating or getting caught in a negative mood, grab a pen and paper, and write down what you are thinking. This is known as emotional labeling. Naming our feelings helps us create a language that we can use to discuss our state with others and gives us our own narrative to process.
Get as specific as you can. When you identify negative emotions, you can better accept them and then manage them. You could also keep a gratitude journal. When you find yourself slipping, write down three things you are grateful for. Consider what you really want or value: When you feel hurt or sorrow or angst about the past, use the time to remind yourself what really matters in your life. Undoubtedly this will take us back to some of our core human needs like security and feeling loved.
For example, if you feel a sense of loss for missing out on family events through the pandemic, it could be evidence that you value family highly not the event itself.
If you feel angry about not getting that promotion, it may alert you of your need for growth not necessarily that promotion. Notice the themes of your regret so that you can start to draw a list of things that you know you must work toward to make your life fulfilling. One of the hardest parts about last year has been the regret many of us feel around not being able to say that last goodbye to a loved one. With that goal in mind, think about how much of it is in your control and what actions will get you closer to the things that matter most to you.
Can you set a reminder to check in with three of your friends or family members every week when you take a lunch break? Can you make an effort to tell your parents and siblings more often that that you love them? The slight silver lining of these unforeseen tragedies is that we have learned not to take for granted those special relationships. And now that we know, we can do something about it.
I felt more assured after my conversation with Amy. And one thing was clear, whether we can reason away our regret or not, we have to remember to hold ourselves able for only those things that are in our control. I hope this can help you make peace with your regrets. You have 2 free article s left this month. You are reading your last free article for this month. Subscribe for unlimited access. Managing yourself. Learn to leave things in the past — where they happened.
Regret, like all difficult emotions, is neither intrinsically good nor bad. It is the actions we carry out in response to feeling regret that impact our long-term wellbeing. To cope with regret and leave the past where it happened we need to: 1 Recognize our feelings and let them out. A weekly newsletter to help young professionals find their place in the working world and realize their personal and career goals.
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on Managing yourself or related topic Psychology. Vasundhara Sawhney is a senior editor at Harvard Business Review. Partner Center.U want regret this
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It’s Time to Make Peace with Your Regrets